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Funny and Humorous Christmas Card Sayings
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 Comprehensive Article Summary by Jaxza Team
Below are the collection of free online printable purpose made greeting Card Verses and scrapbooking verses, wordings, sayings, messages, sentiments, quotes, quotations, poems, rhymes, rymes and ditties covering all occasions, special events and holidays and we hope you love them. This free online greeting card poems website brings you both; the words, phrases, sayings, verses and poems to include in a blank card and/or the little one liners.
Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"
- Charles Dickens
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
- Bernard Manning
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
- Funny Christmas sayings by Katharine Whitehorn
Funny Christmas Quotes Humorous
I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.
- Charles Dickens
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Humorous saying by Shirley Temple
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December."
- Ogden Nash
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Xmas.
- Johnny Carson
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'
- Humorous Dave Barry Quotes
Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
- Kate L. Bosher
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
- Humorous Christmas quotes by W.C. Fields
Many banks have a new kind of Xmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.
- Anonymous
Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need to be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive."
- Robert Lynd
Best of all, Christmas means a spirit of love, a time when the love of God and the love of our fellow men should prevail over all hatred and bitterness, a time when our thoughts and deeds and the spirit of our lives manifest the presence of God.
- Merry Xmas quotes by George F. McDougall
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
- Burton Hillis
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. - Joan Rivers
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. - Ogden Nash
Christmas is the Disneyfication of Christianity - Don Cupitt
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. - Kin Hubbard
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. - Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. - Richard Lamm
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? - Bill Watterson
Even as an adult I find it difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve. Yuletide excitement is a potent caffeine, no matter your age. - Carrie Latet
As the year comes to a close, take the time to look around you and be happy about what you have. Yes, there are people better off then you, but there are also people worse off. Have a good laugh and appreciate what you have.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning
Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
Carol Nelson
Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.
Author Unknown
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Author Unknown
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
P.J. O'Rourke
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Author Unknown
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno
Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Author Unknown
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
Tom Sims
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
P.J. O'Rourke
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Kin Hubbard
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